Most of us are not really that comfortable in the world. We don’t feel at home in it. Yes, we can settle onto the couch at night, and it’s relaxing. But then we turn on show, or check the social media feed. We distract ourselves from having a single uninterrupted sense of being in a place; especially if we’re alone.
The reason is that we don’t feel like we belong. And indeed, we don’t — because we haven’t acted like we belong. We haven’t made friends. We haven’t carved out a place for ourselves. I’m not talking about moving to a new home; or passing as a local at your weekend retreat. I mean that we all act like tourists in our own universe.
So how do we settle in?
First, we need to stop thinking that death is going to rescue us. Whether we survive death or not, we’re not going to be any “more” alive then; our current life is as alive as it’s going to get. And further, even if we survive death, there will be other things to do then; what we need to do now is engage with the world as a living being. So stop dreaming about heaven, basically.
Second, we need to make friends. I don’t mean human beings. I mean all the other “people” around us. Indigenous North Americans might talk about the “Buffalo nation” or the “Buffalo people” — and this is exactly right. Animals are people. So are plants. So are rocks. So are forests, and streams, and whole landscapes. No, they’re not people like us, like humans — but they have their own existence; their own character; their own identity. We ignore that for our own utilitarian ends — and to pretend we’re important. (Wasn’t science supposed to dethrone humanity from being the “pinnacle of creation”? Well it didn’t, since now we equate reason with primacy.)
To make friends, you need empathy. Put yourself in the shoes of what’s around you. What is it like to be a blade of grass? What is it like to be the wind? How is that little part of the universe — extruded into a stream instead of a human — sensing each passing moment of its being? That’s the beginnings, at least, of friendship. Plus spending time, of course: so get away from that computer, and it’s abstractions. (Yes, the plastic in the computer has an existence too; but you’re going to be distracted by that it does — the human ends and logic — so you need to get away.) When you’re surrounded by friends, you feel at home. You act differently too: you do things with them in mind; and take account of things outside yourself.
Third, you need to carve out a place for yourself — wherever you find yourself. You can’t, in other words, hold yourself above the fray too much; you’ve got to get your hands dirty in the business of living — as well as the art of living. So stop being a tourist: stop acting like you’re about to leave, or that your real life happens elsewhere, and this is just a your vacation spot.
Circumstance has placed you where you are, and that’s fine — no other part of existence can ever have the exact experiences you do, so take up that mantle. I don’t mean pursue life as though it’s a series of “experiences” to purchase, like items to check off your bucket list. You don’t need to experience, personally, all the options humanity — or Modern America, or wherever — can offer. I mean, instead, that you need to act like someone with a legitimate claim on life — on the particular life you’ve been given.
That also means acknowledging the stage of that life you’re in. You can be an adult now (if that’s what you are) and not a “young adult” playing video games in your dorm. That won’t last forever. And today you’ll have a different role from last year. That’s part of settling in: not thinking you’ll live forever; and not thinking anything is eternal. That’s not resigning yourself to fate, but allowing yourself to appreciate (“be present with”) your own being. And again, that appreciation shouldn’t be done alone, but with friends of all kinds.
None of this takes away sadness, or makes you ebullient every second of your life. Those things are also part of life. The worst spiritual mistake you can make is thinking you should escape life; escape living; escape feeling — that you should always think one thought; feel one thing; do one thing, to unlock nirvana. The universe “wants” to experience existence. That’s what it’s doing. And you’re part of that — an alive, human part. So settle in, and be alive.
